Lord, I regret to report:
As we set up our cannon for battle, we heard the soft sounds of what seemed to be thunder in the distance. "Rain!" we shouted, thinking that with the mud on the field we could get the advantage, given man's absurdly high center of gravity. Much to our dismay, as we saw the cack-handed beast come around the tree line we realized what should have been on our minds straight away, and I said aloud to my men, "Of course these coward scum brought that giant numpty heap of filth." I could over hear murmurs of fear coming from the younger Thunderers just to the left of us (most of their beards barely reached their belts, for cryin' out loud!). I knew right then, with a recently promoted general at the helm, we were in for some real argy-bargy.
BALLS-UP!, by the time we saw the giant, we had already set up, and we didn't have time to move. With our flank covered by twenty of some of the best Miners I ever knew, I had confidence that we'd be okay, though.
When the battle got underway we immediately had forty or so shandy drinking men coming straight up the middle, right at us; we fired a couple a shots, and with the great (and somewhat surprising) accuracy of those Thunderers, soundin' off like a bunch of bangers, we took care of them, no problem; sent 'em all a-tabbin' in the opposite direction. Right then it hit me...
Where's the General of this disgusting horde of nob gobblers? Looking east I saw this modest group buggers heading out with a brolly of dogs leadin' the way. DOGS?! Who brings their house pets with 'em! The dogs were put out easy enough. The men however, put our Miners to shame.
Not to wibble on like the old fool I am, Sir, but that grotty giant came around the corner, tripped like the oaf he is and killed the General, straight away and half the comp'ny. I couldn't believe my eyes. Never got a chance to prove 'emself. Then he started eating the Thunderers! EATING! Only a real coward would bring such a monster to the battle field.
-Master Engineer Yompin, Son of Yompon.
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2 comments:
Very nice, Scooter! Although I have always imagined Dwarfs with Scottish accents, not Brittish. And I have no idea what a "Maizie" is. But I liked it.
That was a good one. A couple of times I had to stop reading to laugh. I enjoyed reading it. If we keep up with these battle reports, this is going to be a lot more fun. Nice work.
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